The Times

Right now the dead are busy in my dreams. Last few days it was Aunty, this time it's Dad. I can't help being superstitious about such dreams, they make me worry for Mum, but then that's what they are, anxiety wrapped up in fancy. I've spent the last two months worrying about her. Dad had done a lot of grocery shopping, bags of which were all over the floor waiting to be put away into cupboards etc. I was bewildered by all this activity, I don't remember my father ever shopping in his entire life. He gave me some teeny gold beads to eat, like breadcrumbs rolled in gold. I tried them and they were sweet, but nothing special. There was some black and white footage of me but much prettier and young, it was very 1940s/50s. When I turned my back, you could see something like a big mole/scab/wound to the left on my lower back. It was the kind of distracting thing one would edit out of a photo today.

Meanwhile, the tree is nearly finished. One of the old masks needs fixing but some are in place. R loves them and they'll entertain our guests. I like them too, even though the Prince at the top makes the whole thing look somewhat sinister. Mum thinks we should bung a star there, and she has a point. He does have this habit of significant looming.

Advent calenders! I will dig out Nakatomi Plaza again, but as an extra, got R a coffee testing calender. Today he starts with a silky Colombian. See, see how I resist the jokes! He got me a perfume sample calendar too, so my reviews will start early.

December has started off by giving me the gift of a peculiar dream.

I was with someone unknown/vaguely familiar in real life, part of a group who had hired a house. My companion was flapping wildly because a key had been lost, not to the whole house, but to part of it. Either the key or the room it opened was labelled '2'.

I couldn't see what the problem was; all they had to do was ask the landlord for a replacement key. The person gave me instructions indicating that I should take the basin out of the sink and pee in it. It was full of crockery. I did what they asked but looking at the urine sloshing around the plates, decided this had to be wrong and drained away the pee. Did I then clean the plates? I don't think so. I had it in mind to just throw it all away and let no-one know how totally I misunderstood instructions/ followed them even though they were clearly stupid. Then I was with the panicking person again, and we were walking uphill through a street. An uphill motif has been very clear these past few dreams. The person was going back to the house lacking the key, and talked about how the group as a whole was unhelpful, hadn't followed house rules, couldn't tidy, lost things. My own house was back down the hill, the person's furore was not my problem, though I felt sympathetic because they were extremely agitated. I was on the pavement to the left of this person, and knew we would reach the top of the hill, then they would have to turn right towards another road when we got there.

Bizarre.

But hello December! I promise not to pee on any plates!

Great until the last ten minutes. Here's how it should have ended:
( Hidden for spoilers )

We enjoyed this film, even R who is not a fan of horror, but agreed that the ending was unsatisfactory. Then for true horror, we turned to the Wales/South African Rugby match.

Shepherd take warning, it's going to be cold (going to be? I already have my endless winter headache,a tightening across my forehead that makes me feel like I am squinting at everything) and I've had a ginger shot to boost my, ugh, I don't know, powers of enthusiasm or something. But in fairness, these late sunrises are worth it, bands of orange and pink all across the sky. I cannot love Winter the way I love Summer, but I do love it. From afar.

Strange dream, Mum and I sitting in a cafe somewhere, suddenly up pops my dear dead aunt, she comes to the table and kisses each of us, says something I can't remember, then goes into a back room. I don't follow her there, partly because Mum and I are astonished saying 'Did you see? Was that her? What the -?' and it never occurs to me to follow because she's a ghost until I remember that I'm dreaming and there's no reason why a ghost can't appear in a dream.

Today we had our first real frost. There has been snow too, a light pointless sprinkle meaning little beyond jammed car doors, but today the wild weeds bend heavy under all that white sparkle, interspersed with cow parsley skeletons making disco shapes. The leaves crackled under my feet and when I looked at the meadow, everything was silver til the sun shone and all beyond was gold.

Yes very beautiful
And yes, time to stay indoors.

And there we were. Excellent mate's 50th, total lack of responsibility all around, a lot of booze occuring. My recipe for staying power was plenty of prosecco in the pre-party, then when we got to the room nothing except alcohol-free hydration. This meant I could keep going until 1, but even with added virtue power, no way could I stay on with the clubbers, who only disbanded at 6. Looking at the faces of long missed friends, laughing but listening too. I know we all have our problems but it became clear how for so many these last few years have been harsh times, personal wars of attrition. People are climbing out though; there was great cake and four DJs who played blinding sets; haven't seen this much leather and velvet in years as everybody got the hell up and danced.